The Changing Face of Marriage

My family was never super-religious, but most of the practices decreased as I got older. For example, we used to pray before meals and go to church every Sunday, but we don't do that anymore. My parents never forced religion on me, and I'm glad that I was able to make my own choice. I was certainly brought up to respect others and taught right and wrong, but religion did not play a big part in it. I was also very fortunate to have a stable home life. With a happy family, I was never overly concerned God was not looking out for me and was very content with my faith. However, changes can bring one closer to God as a suffering child seeks somfort and answers or cause a rift if the child believes God has abandoned her. Therefore I believe the changing of the structure of a marriage and composition of a family can cause either positive or negative changes in the way a child views her faith. My dad was brought up in a super-religious family, and I guess he felt I didn't need to be raised in the same way. I will probably raise my children the same way I was raised--expose them to religion, but allow them to decide how they feel about it.

Dating and Marriage

At this early stage in my life, I am certainly not looking for "marriage-like" relationship. In my relationships in college, I expect reciprocal trust and respect, and shared values and interests. Though I feel most people enter a relationship hoping to increase their own happiness, the two articles seem to illustrate that a happy marriage is one in which each spouse cares almost more about their parnter's happiness than their own. If a couple can truely overcome their selfish interests, I'm sure a marriage would be very happy, but this seems like a very hard thing to do. I would think that as a relationship grows and develops, each partner begins to care more about the other's happiness. Certainly loving your "neighbor" as or even more than yourself fits into Christian values. And, though the self-sacrafice sounds intense, I believe these relationships exist very often in modern society. That is the type of relationship I'd want with the person I finally decide to marry--one where I know that he loves me enough to put aside his own interets for mine.

Dating: What's the Point

The claim that dating is merely practice for divorce doesn't surprise me. The dating culture that emerged in the 20th century has accompanied increasing divorce rates, and this may serve as evidence for anti-daters. However, divorce rates can also be attributed to longevity and increased female independence. I don't necessarilty agree with the anti-daters, and their viewpoint confuses me. How can they not date at all and expect to experience a smooth marriage? How will they know what they want and don't want in a partner if they haven't already experienced it? The anti-daters use God as a justification because they believe he will find them a marriage partner. I don't think match making works this way; God helps those who help themselves. Freitas and King also make a point that the anti-daters' largest grievance with dating is pre-marital sex. Though many dating couples do have sex, sex is not a prerequisite for dating. The anti-daters can date someone and choose not to have sex with them, as many already do. In my experience, I have seen many happy marriages between people who dated many others and were even married before. I have also seen divorces between couples who married young and did not experience other partners. In college and especially high school, students are not searching for a spouse. The random hookups with strangers are not healthy, and this lifestyle should not be confused with dating. Dating is fun and a great way to learn about others and yourself.

Love

Qualities I seek to experience in a relationship are mutual respect, understanding, intellectual conversations, honesty, reciprocity, and acceptance. I would like my boyfriend and I to have similar -but not identical- interests in music, books, TV, and movies.I want some variety and a willingness to branch out or else neither of us would be able to experience anything new. I want to be on equal groud with my boyfriend, and I want to be able to support myself. My boyfriend must also be accepting of my friends and family and realize that they are important aspects of my life, too. I like simple love songs with an emphasis on the emotional aspects of love such as "I Will Follow You into the Dark", "I'm Yours", and "Anyone Else But You." I also do like songs in which men accept womens' desires to be self-supportive such as "Miss Independent." I believe everyone deserves to find someone who makes her happy, and whose personality is complimentary to hers, but I agree that people are placing too much emphasis on "soulmates." There is much more to life than your husband or wife, and people must accept that sometimes even marriages that were "meant to be" can include fighting and doubts.